Sex and Faith
jenny cool asked this question on 6/9/2000:
Ok I posted a question before but I don't think I was clear enough. I and my boyfriend agree on not having intercourse. I don't know why he has made that decision but for me it's because I don't want to get pregnant. But I have no problem with things such as touching or oral sex. And none of us have been with anyone else so there is little risk of STDs.
My other question is about marriage vs. cohabitation. I mean, what if I don't want to spend all that money on a wedding? Why should I be condemned for that?
And about the sex after marriage. The church says that is ok if there is the possibility of procreation. So what if we don't want kids? And what if a woman is very fertile and ends up with a kid every year? Why is contraception not a good thing if it's not killing the baby?
mscperu gave this response on 6/9/2000:
The other answers to you question tell you all about right or wrong according the teaching of the Catholic Church.
I would like to get you take a look at your foundations. Giving reasons for this o for that won't motivate you - supposing your question is not a provocation to test the catholic experts and not a reflection of you inner attitude¿? - and cannot convince you that this is right and that is forbidden.
A Christian who regulates his or her life by rules is a very poor Christian. I think he or she want only evade being bad, viz. condemnation.
Why are you committed to your boyfriend? (I can’t imagine that he has taken the decision you mention without explaining - another reason for suspicion of a test). Not because there was a decision purely dictated by cold reason. It is - or should be - love, mutual donation.
The question is: of what kind is your faith? It should be love originating from this profound experience that you received without merit life everlasting because God chose to give it to you in spite of your weaknesses, rebellion and sins. This type of experience changes life, changes the person, puts the person involved in an other set of coordinates. You have experienced infinite love and the answer is love. I am not talking about emotions or feelings, I am talking about Somebody loving you that much so He gives His life for you.
If you don't have even a slight idea what I am talking about - your question points in that direction - you do not know who God and His Christ really are. Why ask then about His will? Do you accept that the Church teaches God's will for mankind? If you do not have an inkling then you should pray, and beg and insist that He might grant it to you.
Supposing you have had this experience and lost it than you should do everything to get it back. In this dimension you do not ask about rules and commandments. You want to please the person you love, you want to please God and that motivates you to discover what God’s plan is for the couple.
Who invented the couple? God. Who knows best how His invention will really work? The Inventor. I am an old man and I can witness that those who live in God's will are really happy. The persons involved do not look at each other and ask themselves: "Am I happy?". They ask: "Am I doing God's will?". This is the difference between an egotistic love and true love-donation. The last one is a free gift of God to his sons and daughters, not available by decision of will.
You see I suggest you take a hard look at your faith. If you do not love God above anything or anybody - even your boyfriend - your faith is something bloodless and something quite reduced. Again, this type of love is not at your disposition. You cannot produce it. It is out of the human league. You must encounter God's overwhelming love to be able to love like that. Do you know an other word for this? It is sanctity, holiness, presence of God.
Your asking of right or wrong about this and that is like buying a book that tells you the does and don'ts in a perfect marriage. You get some techniques and sallow relationship. Not the relationship God wants that is in some way a sign of His presence. The blind cannot see the light, the faithless cannot see God but asks for rules.
Enough said. Cure the roots of your life and then you will be able to understand what great things God has in mind for you.
Faith or no faith that is the first question. You show your faith I will show you where real happiness can be found.
God bless you
Missionary of the Sacred Heart