Sex at old age
Anonymous asked this question on 7/18/2000:
This probably should be in marriage counseling, but since I lost my faith once before, I wanted strictly answers, as not jeopardy my faith.
I’m 74 previously widower and married to a divorced annulment catholic for 15 years. Now for 5 years or better, she is convinced that sex is lust and not the culmination of affection and love. We had great sex and I have not been the cause of her now has no compassion ,affection or consideration. I am now criticized every day from morning till night. I am considering a divorce to regain my self esteem , and mental health. At my age, the temptations of being single wont be a big problem , but would definitely look for affection and companionship. I now think she lied to get the annulment, and now feels she would come out ok if we went separate ways? If I thought there was even a slight chance of resolving our differences, I would go to counseling, but I have felt the sting of hate in her eyes and indifference in my desires.????
mscperu gave this response on 7/18/2000:
The peace of the risen Lord be in your heart.
If I understand you correctly you give two reasons why you shouldn't have marriage counseling.
One is that you imply having lost your faith through counseling (¿?).
The other reason why you don't try counseling is because you have felt the sting of hate in her eyes.
You can eliminate the first problem by asking a priest of your confidence to advice you both. I think that takes care of the danger of losing your faith.
The second obstacle you mention seems to be an additional reason why you should use counseling.
I would suggest additionally that you both have a thorough medical checkup. The passing of the years may have shook up the hormonal setup of your wife and yourself. The consequence is usually a change in behavior.
Meditate about the reasons your wife may have for acting as she is doing it. Has your behavior changed in the last five years? Then her attitude would be only a reaction to you actions or omissions. So it would be interesting to hear what she has to say during a quiet conversation that you con surely arrange.
Are you both practicing Catholics? So why not go to confession and make a new start.
If she has faith she should know that the sacrament of marriage and its culmination are representing the union of the Lord with the Church.
Now it happens that at old age it's very difficult for a woman to make love because of her aches and infirmities. The resistence to marital relations a accrued in the case of her husband not being preoccupied regarding her needs. He has only sought his satisfaction. She has supported him and now enough is enough. Perhaps at old age you should learn how to court your wife.
And, by all means, take counseling with someone whom you trust.